Always
by X.cassthechaoscat.X
Summary: Eren's life was pretty normal, until he began having reoccurring night-terrors. Now he can't seem to get them out of his head. And when he starts remembering things from a supposed "past life" well, he begins to feel like he may be crazy. Not to mention the suddenly conflicting feelings he's having about his twin, Levi. Eren starts to feel like he's going insane.
1. Chapter 1

_I was exhausted. So utterly exhausted as I forced my quivering legs forward. I finally crumpled to my knees beside the figure strewn across the dry, bloodstained grass._

_"Eren." A blood smeared hand softly caressed my cheek as I cried. Even as I tried to hold it in, hot tears dripped down my cheeks. I didn't want to cry, to be weak, especially not now when they needed me most. If I were strong, this wouldn't have happened. If I could have just let them go, instead of condemning them to death with me… "Eren," they whispered again._

_I couldn't see their face. A slight shadow obscured my vision, and I couldn't seem to focus on their face long enough to register any details. The only thing I could make out were steely blue-grey eyes._

_But I subconsciously knew that this person was important to me. Very much so, possibly the most important to me ever, and now they were hurt. And it was all because of me._

_"I'm fine," they told me, voice hoarse in a way that told me otherwise._

_"But you-"_

_"Eren." There was a finality in their tone that told me not to argue, not to go against what they'd said; to_

_trust them._

_They struggled to move, huffing from exertion as they sat up and pressed a hand to their wounded side. "We can keep running," they said. But that couldn't possibly be serious because they knew that…_

_"You're dying," I stated._

_You're not fine._

_"Then run without me," they told me._

_I shook my head. "I'm not leaving without you, I refuse," I stated. "Do you honestly believe that I would leave you?"_

_"No. I _know_ you won't. And for that, you're truly fucking stupid," they spat._

_"Then why bother saying it? Why would you tell me to live without you?"_

_"Because I have to pretend that I'm not so selfish as to ask you to die here with me. Even though I don't want you to leave me here...doesn't it make sense for you to live? We've come so_ far_," they said, hissing the last part as frustration seeped into their tone. "And you know they'll kill you if you don't take the chance to run now. Like you said, I'm already dying," they lifted their hand to show off the gaping wound and bloody mess of their side, "so go. Live for me."_  
><em><br>"No, I already told you I won't live without you." I looked around until I found their broken gear discarded to the side, blades glinting in the sunlight. I gripped a blade tightly, the weight of it somehow feeling heavier than usual._

_"What are you doing?" They questioned me, an edge of hysteria in their voice now._

_"I won't die by _their_ hands. I won't let those filthy fuckers have to satisfaction. We came all this way to avoid that after all."_

_"Eren, _no_. Why won't you ever listen to me? You shitty brat...you absolute brat...please!" They were crying now, pleading. Cold, clammy hands covered mine and tried to yank the blade away._

_"I'm sorry. I don't want to live without you. I don't want this world if I can't explore it with you. I've lost everyone. I'd always be on the run even if I did chose to live. I'm sorry. We'll see each other again though, I'm sure of it. Because I won't leave you, ever. Not here, not now, not in death, or ever after that. I'll _always_ be by your side. I love you, and I'll love you longer than an eternity," I stated with nothing but conviction. It was a vow; a promise I intended to keep._

_I kissed them one last time, relishing in the feel of familiar soft lips- surprisingly warm even so close to death, sweet breath that was at the moment also twinged with the taste of blood._

_I raised the blade and put the sharpest edge to my throat._

_"EREN!"_

_I heard their screams until I slipped into a heavy darkness, their screams fading out before all of a sudden booming louder than ever, "EREN! ERE-"_

"Eren!" Someone was shaking me.

My eyes snapped open to meet with piercing grey ones.

"Levi?" I groaned, throat feeling scratchy. My bleary eyes came to focus on the figure of my brother hunched over my bed with a concerned look on his usually stern face.

"You were whimpering," he told me. "Another night terror?"

I sighed as I nodded. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair that seemed to be in even more of a disarray than usual. Fuck, my head is pounding.

This is getting out of hand. Sure I had nightmares sometimes as a kid, but I'd hadn't for a while. And yet these night terrors have suddenly been occurring more frequently as of late, for no reason that I can discern.

What really bothers me, is that I can't ever remember what the dreams are about. Right now I could only recollect the vague image of blood staining an open field...a sense of defeat; loss…. I groaned as my head started to pound even more.

Levi walked out of the room and came back a few minutes later holding a glass of water and some Tylenol.

"Here." He handed the items to me and I gratefully swallowed the pills and downed the water.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Whatever. It's four in the fucking morning, we have to be up in a few hours and I'm fucking tired so…" Levi turned to walk back to his room, but I grabbed the end of his long sleeved shirt to hold him in place.

"Stay?" I asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper. I hated acting so pathetic, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep on my own. And the last person to judge me for being vulnerable would be Levi.

He stared into my pleading eyes for a moment before he finally sighed, "fine."

I pulled the covers back and scooted to make room for him on the bed.

He slipped in and settled on his side, pulling me towards him. I settled with my back against his front and draped the blankets over us.

I always felt the safest whenever I was in Levi's arms like this, his legs tangled with mine, and the feel of his rhythmical breathing against the back of my neck.

I chuckled a bit since it suddenly occurred to me that he's the big spoon even though he's shorter than me.

"The fuck is it now?" He yawned.

"Nothing it's just...you're really short."

"Fuckin' brat," he grumbled, but I felt him nuzzle into the space between my shoulder blades anyway.

* * *

><p><em><em> Waking up to the screeching of an alarm clock is never pleasant. _Mornings _are never pleasant.

I groaned and tried to burrow my way further into Levi's chest, but he wasn't having any of that. He promptly shoved me off and stumbled out of bed, stomping out of the room. "_Do_ something about that godawful noise," he yelled over his shoulder. I heard the bathroom door slam unreasonably loud.

After shutting off the alarm, I ventured out of my bedroom to make myself breakfast- which ended up just being a bowl of cereal that I didn't even eat much of cause I was too busy dozing off and nearly drowned myself in the milk- then I traded places with Levi in the bathroom only to fall asleep again in the shower.

"Oi, Brat what took so long?" Levi asked as I finally bounded downstairs, ready for the day.

He was glaring at me as he sipped what I knew had to be his third cup of coffee.

"Might've fallen asleep in the shower," I sheepishly admitted.

He raised a thin eyebrow at me as if to say _seriously_?

We walked outside and over to my black Toyota something or other. It was a nice car I guess, a sixteenth birthday present from my dad as if in consolation for him being a shitty father (or not even being around much in general). I didn't care too much for it. Levi, on the other hand, milked a Ducati out of our 'shitty father' and seemed plenty pleased with himself. He doesn't drive it to school much, most likely worried some 'shitstain' teenager would do something to it. Or so he says…

"You wanna drive?" I threw my keys to Levi.

He caught them easily and gave a grunt of agreement.

I slouched in the passenger seat the whole drive to Maria High School, nearly dozing off again.

We arrived at the parking lot half past eight and just in time to meet up with our friends before the bell for first hour rang. I slammed the car door and started walking to the entrance without bothering to wait for Levi.

He caught up with me eventually. "Gotta walk so fucking fast?"

"Not my fault your legs are so short," I taunted.

He gave me his signature glare, the one that usually had people pissing themselves in fear. But, I just smirked at him.

For being twins, Levi and I don't look a thing alike. For starters he's around 5 foot 3 and about four inches shorter than me. His hair is an inky black color, mines brown. His eyes are a blueish-grey and noticeably narrower than mine green ones. His cheekbone sharper, his features small even though he in no way can quite be called delicate. He may be short, but he's still pretty muscular. I myself and more of a lean type of muscular (I'll sadly admit it but, Levi could take my ass in a fight any day.)

As far as personalities go, he's grumpy most of the time and intimidating more often than not. Most people might find him generally unpleasant to be around, but I'll have you know most people don't know shit about Levi or how good of a person he really is. As for me, I've never managed to be seen as very intimidating, I'm not usually as cold as he is. Hot-headed, so I've been told, but that's a different thing entirely….

"I will put you on your ass," Levi hissed.

I chortled and slung an arm over his shoulders. "No you won't, Lee."

We walked into the building like that and went in search of our friends.

I spotted Hanji waving at us frantically from the stairs beside the cafeteria's entrance.

"Eren, Levi!" She called. She was standing with Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Mikasa, Armin, and Horseface.

"Shitty-glasses," Levi greeted her.

I smirked at the nickname. See what I mean about being grumpy?

"Oh, Levi, HUG ME!" Hanji dramatically squealed. She wore a crazy grin as she opened her arms wide and started to advance towards us.

"Don't touch me!" Levi barked and tried to scramble away. I just stood there and watched in amusement as he and Hanji began to run in circles.

We've know Hanji since elementary school, and honestly the bright-eyed girl wasn't so bad, but she was a tad hyperactive and a lot eccentric. Levi dubbed her the "bane of his existence."

They went on like that for a good while until Levi decided to hide behind me.

"What are you doing?" I asked with amusement as he wrapped his arms around my waist and crouched slightly.

"Using you as a human shield," he told me.

"Not gonna stop me!" Hanji cackled.

Levi glared at her over my shoulder.

"Come on, Leeeeevi, why do you let Eren hug you and not me?" Hanji whined and started to pout exaggeratedly.

"He doesn't have freak germs, unlike you!"

"Ha! You're as _short_ as a germ!" Hanji started laughing so hard at her own joke she doubled over and had to wipe tears from her eyes.

"Say that again, you crazy bitch!" Levi spat. He was getting genuinely pissed now. I could feel it in the way his hands balled into fists against my waist.

"Guys, what are you, five?" Erwin sighed. "Stopped taunting him, Hanji," he told her.

"I just want to give my Short-baby some love!" She said.

"And I just want you to jump off a cliff," Levi scoffed. He'd let go of me and was busy bitching at Hanji.

"Ohh, cliff diving! Sounds wild…"

I tuned them all out and tried not to grimace as I could suddenly feel my headache about to come back tenfold.

"Are you alright, Eren?" Mikasa asked me.

"You look tired," Armin added.

"Don't worry, guys, that's just his normal face," Jean snickered.

"At least it's not the face of a horse, right Horseface?" I snapped at him.

"Stop calling me th-"

"Stop it," Mikasa cut Jean off, "Honestly, what's wrong?" She asked me again. He black eyes were swirling with concern.

"It's nothing." I suppressed a sigh. Mikasa loves to worry. Or perhaps to better put it, she loves to pretend she's my mother. She's one of my best friends, and I'm grateful she's always there for me, but she can so _smothering _sometimes.  
>Fortunately the bell rang then and Mikasa couldn't ask anymore questions. Levi and I walked to Pre-cal together.<p>

I slipped into the desk behind my twin's and started to doodle on my notebook, trying to remember if I had in fact completed the homework Levi was badgering me about the other day...Then I realized I didn't exactly care and was tired of doodling, and really just tired in general, so I opted to lay my head on the desk and shut my eyes trying to tune out the teacher's voice as he lectured in monotone like any other day. I thought maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few minutes…

_I wasn't strong enough, I...I couldn't save her!_

_I was just a kid; weak, helpless. Terrified out my mind._

_"Eren!" She screamed, hand reaching out to me. The rubble of what was once our house was crushing her lower half. I desperately tried to escape the grip of whoever was holding me, trying to reach out to her as the distance between us grew wider. We couldn't just leave her behind! We had to- "Live on!" She yelled. The booming footsteps were getting closer, shaking the ground. Impending doom is what it was._

_"Mom!" I shouted, reaching back to her, sobbing now. No, no! We can't just leave her...have to save her...have to reach-_

_I watched with eyes frozen wide as that_

_thing...that giant humanoid looking _monster_ picked my mother up in a tight fist._

_She struggled as she was lifted up into the air. The giant snapped her back like it was nothing. I knew I should turn away now, I knew that I should tear my eyes away, but I was frozen. I could only stare as the monster parted it's mouth, it's horrid gaping mouth, and threw her inside. Biting into her without any hesitation, making blood splatter in the air._

_And just like that, my mother was gone._

_I screamed…_

I woke up screaming. I woke up and everyone was staring at me; some people looked shocked, some were snickering, some just looked on with apathy. Levi was staring at me with concern. I noted- with some embarrassment- that I had a sheet of paper sticking to my drool covered cheek. I quickly brushed it off, watching it sway unceremoniously to the floor.

"Mr. Jaeger!" The teacher snapped at me, "are you done? Can I get back to teaching my class, or is it nap-time again?"

"I'm sorry, Sir," I muttered. Along with my aching head, I could feel a hint of nausea swirling up inside of me.

"Well you should-"

Shit. I hopped out of my desk and dashed out of the room while holding a hand over my mouth to avoid being sick. I made it to the bathroom at the end of the hall, stumbled into an empty stall, and proceeded to empty my stomach in the toilet.

The few bites of Applejacks I had this morning made an appearance. Bile burned my throat. I dry heaved for a full five minutes before I was able to calm down.

I stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the sinks. I rinsed my mouth out and splashed water on my face, hoping to get rid of my sickly pale complexion. I looked like shit; pale, sweaty and tired eyed.

I walked out of the bathroom and wasn't surprised to see Levi resting against the wall opposite the restroom. "Were you sick?" He asked.

I could only nod. I didn't feel like speaking. My mind was still reeling.

That was the first nightmare I've managed to actually remember upon awakening. It was scarily vivid, like I was _there_. Watching my mother die before my very eyes. The screams, the blood...if felt too real. And what the fuck was that giant monster?

And why did I dream of my mother when I haven't in so many years? She died when I was ten. She had cancer, she definitely wasn't _eaten alive_. God, I mean, what made my fucked up subconscious dream up _that_ scenario?

"Wanna go home?"

I nodded again. Levi wrapped his arm around my waist and let me lean on him since I was shaking. Why couldn't I stop shaking?

* * *

><p>"Wanna talk about it?" Levi asked when we were back at the house.<p>

"No." I usually tell him everything, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to talk. What difference would it make anyway? It's just a stupid nightmare, and I'm obviously overreacting.

This hollow feeling in my gut is there for nothing. The pain squeezing my chest is nothing. The pounding in my head will settle after I take some more medicine.  
>Levi didn't seem pleased with my answer. "I know something's bothering you, and don't say it's nothing."<p>

"But it _really is _nothing." I made my way into the kitchen to get a glass of water and a couple pills.

"But-"

"I'm having a bad day, alright? I have a headache that won't go away. That's it. I'm fine," I snapped. I didn't mean to, but I seriously wasn't in the mood.

"Tch. Whatever." Levi muttered.

I rolled my eyes and stomped upstairs to my bedroom. I flopped into bed and planned on staying there indefinitely. My head ached so much I buried my head in my pillow and tried not to cry. Or maybe I was just trying to suffocate, I'm not sure.

I heard Levi's footsteps as he walked into the room and over to the bed. I felt the bed dip with his weight as he settled beside me and started to gently rub my back. "I'm just...worried about you, Bright-eyes," he told me.

I grunted into my pillow before turning over to face him. "I know."

He opened his arms and I cuddled into his side. I breathed in his familiar scent. It made me feel immensely more relaxed which helped alleviate the ache in my head. I shut my eyes softly and hoped I wouldn't have any more of those horrid nightmares. 


	2. Chapter 2

The nightmares didn't stop after that. In fact, they got progressively worse.

I dreamed of my mother dying every night for nearly a week. I woke myself up screaming every time. Not even Levi's presence helped- he'd taken to sleeping in my bed after the third night he'd woken to my screaming, thinking it might help somehow.

It didn't. Now it's gotten to the point of where he'll just shove me out of bed and to the floor (painfully might I add) the second I make so much as a peep. You'd think after having the same dream so much, I'd become desensitized to it eventually. That never happened. The fear was ubiquitous. It never went away no matter how many times I watched the same gruesome scene. The chill in my bones, the ache in my head, and the sick in my stomach never changed.

I was almost relieved when one night I suddenly had a different dream. Because at least this was something new. I'd grown tired of watching my mother die the same wretched death ten times over.

This dream wasn't any less gruesome, in fact, it was probably worse…

_Mikasa's eyes had popped out of her head with how hard the man-eating giant squeezed her. The blood dripping from her mouth blended nicely with the crimson of the scarf around her neck (I knew that scarf, I'd given it to her when we were young. We were walking home in the cold and she'd forgotten hers on the playground. I gave her mine and forced Levi to share his with me.) The beast dangled her around, like he was taunting me. Her broken body swayed loosely in the air._

_"Mikasa!" I screamed. I needed to help her, dammit I knew she was already gone, but I needed to_

_do something. I had my hands full though, as somebody draped against my right side, their blood seeping through my clothes._

_I looked around and realized that we were in the middle of an all out battle. Giants, tons of them, were stomping around, wreaking havoc. Soldiers with gear that allowed them to fly through the air held metallic blades at their sides that they used to slice clean through the beasts necks and take them down._

_Although it didn't look like we were winning. Most of our people were wounded, more than a few of them brutally slaughtered. (I think I saw somebody split open with their innards spilling out onto the ground.)_

_I watched as the giant that held Mikasa finally lowered her into it's mouth. I couldn't just stand here anymore. I laid whoever I was supporting against the trunk of a tree, barely realising that they hadn't been breathing for a while now. I swept regretful eyes over a flash of blond hair- the only thing I could make out about the fallen comrade- and forced myself to run._

_And then I was biting, tearing into the flesh of my own hand as a power I'd never felt before surged through my veins._

And then I woke up.

I always wake up after that. Was it weird that I wanted to know what happened next? Even as the twist of my stomach warned me that, no, I probably shouldn't want to know.

Needless to say, I don't enjoy sleeping very much anymore. So much so, that this is the third night in a row I've stayed up. I just lie in bed, as still as I can so as not to wake Levi- who'd probably strangle me if he knew I wasn't sleeping. And then I have to avoid falling asleep in class, or surrendering to a midday nap. It's not that I'm not tired- because _fuck_ am I tired- it's that my dreams literally fucking _terrify_ me.

"...ren, Eren!"

I nearly jumped out of my own skin. "What, Levi? What the hell is it?" _Had I been spacing out again? _I looked around and noticed we were in the school cafeteria. People buzzed about, my friends were being loud-asses. Speaking of loud, was it always this noisy? The wave of overlapping voices was a buzz in my head.

"I was just asking if you wanted my other burrito. I swear you barely fucking eat anymore," Levi snapped as he threw the foil wrapped burrito at me.

"Eren, you're not eating?" Of course Mikasa had to hear that.

"'S not true, I ate dinner last night," I muttered. I think.

Levi and Mika both sighed.

"What's wrong with you, Bright-eyes?"

"Eren, I'm getting concerned."

"Maybe you should both just quit fucking babying me!" I yelled at them.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. "Maybe you should take better care of yourself then."

Levi just glared at me. _You're pissing me off_, is something he didn't need to say aloud for me to understand.

The bell for next class rang, and I walked away from the usual lunch table grateful that I was able to escape before having a burrito shoved down my throat or something.

I went through the rest of the day sluggishly with my mind stuck in a haze. I tried to concentrate on my classes, but my attention span was shot to shit. There was no way I could concentrate. I kept nearly dozing off as well. Every time I felt my eyes slipping close and my head lolling forward, I had to pinch myself, or keep my leg bouncing...I nearly went so far as to stab myself with a pencil during Physics to keep myself awake.

I met up with Levi in the parking lot and offered to drive home. Which, in hindsight probably wasn't the greatest idea. Although in my defense I figured there was no way I was stupid enough to fall asleep at the wheel. It was the perfect thing to keep me awake, right?

"Are you sure, Eren? You look a little...wired," Levi commented as he reluctantly threw the car keys at me.

I barely caught them in time to keep them from hitting the ground- my movements felt so sluggish. "Totally. I'm fine," I assured him.

I was fine. I turned up the radio extra loud until Levi swatted at me and lowered it to a reasonable level that still managed to somehow make the inside of my head swarm. I rolled my eyes and focused on the road.

I barely made it through today without passing out. I definitely needed to sleep. But I _definitely _didn't want to face those horrid nightmares. Does that make me weak? That I'm terrified of my own subconscious? That I'm losing sleep, losing my sanity even- or so it seems- just because of some gore filled night terrors? Perhaps it's something I'm doing. Maybe I watched one too many horror films, or played too many violent video games. Is that why they warn you about that shit? I haven't been eating before bed or anything so it can't be that. They're just fucking dreams. So why can't I get over them? Why does it hurt so bad if none of it's even real? Sure they _feel_ real, too real sometimes, but that's…

"Eren!" I felt an ache travel up my right arm. I turned to stare at Levi in bewilderment, barely noticing that my eyes had been closed.

"What?"

"Idiot, watch the road! Pull the fucking car over."

_Anything to get you to shut up. _I did as instructed and Levi switched seats with me.

"What'd I do?" I questioned.

"Nearly ran us into a fucking _tree_," Levi spat.

"I don't remember that."

"Of course you don't, you eyes were closed! Honestly what the _fuck, _Eren? Why would you offer to drive if...I...There's something wrong with you, isn't there? Is it the nightmares? Are they really that bad?"

"I guess I'm just tired today."

"Yeah, I can tell, you look like shit. Come to think of it, have you even been fucking _sleeping_? You seem to be completely out of it these days, Bright-eyes, and I don't just mean 'fall asleep in class tired cause I stayed up all night playing video games' no this is 'I haven't gotten a wink of sleep for the past I don't know how many fucking days!'" Levi was yelling now, hands clenching around the steering wheel and I thought maybe he would do the same to my neck if given the chance.

"What's the big deal?" I sighed.

"Eren, the big deal is that it's not fucking healthy! Look, if you can't sleep we could get all the fucking sleeping pills you could ever want. Is it me, maybe? If need space you kick me out of the room at any time you know-"

"Levi-"

"Would talking about the nightmares help? Isn't talking shit out with someone supposed to help?"

"I don't want to talk about-"

"If this gets any worse, I will personally tranquilize your ass!"

"Levi!"

"No, Eren-"

"Shut up! I'll fucking talk to you, alright!?"

* * *

><p>"...and then it ate Mikasa, and I wake up after biting my hand."<p>

Levi just sat there when I finished telling him about my most recent dream. He stared at me with unblinking eyes, and I found his intense gaze suddenly unnerving. His sharp grey eyes had never scrutinized me like that before.

"You're...really fucked up," He finally said after a prolonged moment of silence. His tone was light, and he wore a slight smirk, but his eyes betrayed the illusion. He was genuinely disturbed. Maybe he was just worried, or just as disgusted by my dreams as I was, but...there was something else glinting in his eyes that I thought perhaps he knows something that I don't. But then I shook away that ridiculous thought. What was I even thinking about? Knew what, exactly? And besides, Levi would never keep anything from me. I'm just being paranoid.

"Don't I know it." I huffed and flopped back on the bed.

Levi laid down next to me and I turned on my side to look at him properly.

"I don't know exactly what to tell you, Bright-eyes, or how to help other than being here for you. I'm always here for you, and I always will be, ya know? I wish I could take the nightmares away," he told me, running his hand along across cheek.

His blue-grey eyes bore into mine and I couldn't keep my tears from falling. "I'm so tired," I whispered.

"Then sleep, Eren." He kissed my forehead.

I happily obliged. One thing ran through my mind as I drifted off to a warm comforting haze of sleep, _those eyes look awfully familiar. _


End file.
